Husband making $700K demands his wife, making $80K, earn more money, asks what she brings to the table: 'He doesn’t cook. I do all the cooking and cleaning.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 12, 2025 8:00 AM EST

They make more in a year than most Americans make in 10 years, and yet he's still unhappy.

For most couples, the question of whether they can afford for one of them not to work is a difficult one. Let's say Partner A earns $50,000 and Partner B earns $85,000. If both partners work, they can afford to do more of the things they want to do and save a little bit on the side. If only Partner B works, their income will decrease notably, and they'll have to cut back on expenses in exchange for the freedom that time brings. Most people would agree that this couple can't afford for only one of them to work, at least in more expensive metropolitan areas. Partner A could probably afford to stop working for a couple of years for child-rearing purposes, but the family might struggle if they stop working indefinitely.  

These are the salaries that most Americans are dealing with. If someone makes more than double $300,000 a year, it would be borderline absurd to expect their partner to bring the same income to the table, because there's no world where they struggle to get by on that salary.

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  • Portrait of an obstetrician person
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The man in this story is a doctor who was supported financially during his residency by his wife's salary. Now that he earns $700,000 a year, he's upset that his wife doesn't earn more than $80,000 and refuses to combine their salaries and approach their financial life like a team.

  • High income husband and low income wife

    My husband makes $700k a year, I make 80k a year. I contribute $1000 per month and he contributes $6000 to our joint account to pay bills.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Any extra bills and trips and going out, he pays. Question 1: my husband feels I don't contribute enough to our income and wants me to make more money.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He feels it is unfair that he pays 90% of our bills and covers extra that come up.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He asks me what am I providing for him in return for him paying for most of our expenses.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • We don't have kids. He doesn't cook. I do all the cooking and cleaning dishes and organizing houses.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • A woman in a green shirt and black gloves vacuuming a gray ottoman
    via Giorgio Trovato

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He does garbage and cat litter box scooping. Our cleaning lady does the cleaning every week.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He tells me my cooking and organizing house, filing tax, keeping up with house errands isn't worth at least $100k salary and definitely isn't worth to cover $620k difference in income.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He wants to know why he should pay for my life and wants to know what I am bringing to the table if I'm not making close amount to him .
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Question 2: He says that his hard earned money is through his sweat and blood and that he deserves to control them by him only.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He doesn't want to combine our income and doesn't want him to control my income and keep our finances separate.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He wants me to contribute $1000 towards monthly bills but the rest of my income he told me to do how I please.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He says he already pays for everything anyway, it's no different if expenses are paid from household income vs his income.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Is this reasonable? Because then how can we come up with how much to save and invest as our retirement?
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Question 3: if I convince him to combine our income, should he get more fun money than me since he spends more time at work and he makes more money?
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He says he did more work and brought more money in so it wouldn't be fair if I get the same amount of money as him for discretionary spending.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • If so what ratio seems reasonable? Question 4: he says based on my income, I can only afford $20-30k car.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He says I should pay for that and he is not going to pay for me just to get more expensive car.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Red chevrolet coupe on road
    via Syed Hussaini

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It certainly doesn't feel good to spend any money, even basic groceries. He wants to save away a lot independently on his own so he can retire us early.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • It feels like there's no money for travel since he has to be paying for the travel and I feel bad asking.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • We should be sitting down and maximizing our retirement together by going over different options. He doesn't want to look into what I do with any savings and retirement Ira contributions.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He just tells me what he did for investing, retirement Ira account on his own -and I should do my own investing.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Addendum: he is a doctor, no we didn't sign prenup, we've been married for 10 years.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • He was a resident for a few years, a fellow for a year or so, during which he made lower income than me, we got married somewhere then and after 2 years of marriage, he finished all training and his income jumped up to 600k then now $700k.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Significant-Way-5455 Honestly, marriage counselling should be your next suggestion. Seems like there is a lot to unpack here. Especially his background and why he has this viewpoint. Good luck OP
    via u/Significant-Way-5455
  • OP BrilliantFinancial10 Well he grew up poor and didn't have a father who provided for him, single mom raised him, and he wanted his partner to make similar amount as him ideally but he know I don't make enough he chose to marry him cuz he liked me.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • NoPossession2116 Seems like you guys are business partners more than life partners
    via u/NoPossession2116
  • OP BrilliantFinancial10 That's what I feel like. Transactional
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Significant-Way-5455 Thanks for replying and hope you take every comment with the best intentions. Your comment already shows possible reasons he is the way he is. But yeah a professional will be best to unpack and navigate this situation
    via u/Significant-Way-5455
  • OP BrilliantFinancial10 Gotcha thanks. Because of this, I don't feel good spending even basic groceries and feel like everything in the house is his and I'm just floating by
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • RKom Let me guess, he was in residency and now he's a practicing doctor? I had the same setup, my wife made more while I was in medical training, and now I make significantly more. The ratio is even more skewed than your setup. Now, WE get to do all the things we want with OUR money. I would be failing as a husband if I told her what she does and doesn't deserve based on her income. Yikes.
    via u/RKom
  • OP BrilliantFinancial10 Yep, he is a doctor too. Same set up. Good to know income disparity is even higher for you. Hopefully that will convince him
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Sp4m And you're having this conversation now? After getting married?
    via u/Sp4m
  • OP BrilliantFinancial10 Before he made less money than me and now he makes more. It wasn't an issue then because we split everything equally. Now that he makes more money, he pays for everything anyway so it wasn't really brought up.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • wreckingballjcp She said 2 days ago she made 120k, so maybe it's fair. Depends on what she makes up for at the moment.
    via u/wreckingballjcp
  • OP BrilliantFinancial10 I was making 120k before but they cut my days due to lack of staff, hence the 80k with supplementation of extral temporary positions at another job.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • OkChange9119 Money is part of the issue in your relationship but it is not the whole issue. Money is the tool in which your husband is making visible frustration and resentment in other areas of marriage. He already has the mindset of his vs yours. If he views you as how much resource you "bring to the table", ask yourself what happens if you were ever to fall ill and cannot work for a time. A. Do you have a prenup? B. Which country are you from? And him? C. How long have you two been married? H
    via u/OkChange9119
  • OP BrilliantFinancial10 He says he is tired of working as work is heavy load and stressful and he wants to retire early. He says my work is less stressful and I'm coasting life while he doesn't even get a break at work. He saves most of his income for retirement for us he says. We don't have prenup. I made more money than him for a few years before, I paid slightly more then but almost equal split for expenses. and it's been 5 years with his high income like this. We've been married 10 years. We
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10
  • Curious__mind___ Then why not he look for a job that's less stressful even though it pays less? That said, it's not a valid excuse for his way of thinking. He clearly doesn't love you or respect you or see you as a partner.
    via u/Curious__mind___
  • OP BrilliantFinancial10 You are right. I told him to go part time but he says he needs money to pay pills and be able to save a lot for retirement early because he is tired of working as a doctor with tight schedule and feels like a factory worker on repeat.
    via u/BrilliantFinancial10

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